We're Doing Something Right

As a first time parent I often wonder if I'm doing it right and if I'm being a good mom. When I look at the big picture I kind of freak out, thinking how am I going to make sure she meets all of her developmental milestones, am I talking and engaging her enough, is she going to learn to sit and crawl if she's always in my arms? And how am I going to protect this tiny little girl from the cold, sickness, strangers, accidents, money problems, food allergies, prejudice and hatred in the world?! Basically everything that could hurt my baby (and I readily admit that I've probably watched too much Law and Order/NCIS/CSI which give me some crazy ideas of what evils could happen). It's at those times I want to put her back in my womb because I could protect her a lot better there. But that's not where she's meant to be and that's not how I'm meant to think. What helps me is to take things hour by hour and day by day. I know that this hour she just wants to be fed- and I can do that! And I know that today I can keep her happy and loved, fed, in a clean diaper, warm, safe from danger. I may be surviving these first months of motherhood with little sleep and not leaving our room much, but all I have to do is look at my beautiful baby that the Lord has blessed me with and see that she is THRIVING! And that is what is most important.

And after this weekend I also feel very proud and that Andrés and I are doing something right because... Amanda was baptized! I mean, how much better of a mother could I be than to make sure my daughter receives the gift of eternal life, am I right? Let me explain. Catholics have seven Sacraments and those seven are split into three groups. The Sacrament of marriage falls into the category of Sacraments of Vocation. Vocation means a calling from God. I am called by God to be married. It is my vocation to be married to Andrés. And with this vocation, which is a very great gift, comes many responsibilities. But the MAIN responsibility is to get my spouse to heaven. That is my utmost calling by God, to help and encourage the eternal salvation of my husband. And umbrellaed (I'm pretty sure I just made up that word, hehe) under that is to also get any children that come from our union to heaven.*

At Amanda's baptism, Padre Jota (the priest) asked Andrés and I what we wished of the Church for our daughter. We replied, "Baptism." And then we were asked what does Baptism give and we replied, "Eternal life" (see John chapter 3 in the Bible).We're doing something right! Of course we need to take care of Amanda's physical needs so that she has a long, healthy, happy life here on earth, but most important to me is that we take care of her spiritual needs so that she lives a holy life that will get her to heaven to spend an ETERNITY with the One who loves her more than I. We're on the right track by having her baptized. I'm not failing at being a mother.**

Amanda is a new creation in Christ, an adopted DAUGHTER OF GOD, and a temple of the Holy Spirit. I'm so happy for my little girl. And as I write "my little girl" I am reminded of what both the priest and my mother told me about Amanda's baptism. They said that she is no longer mine, that she does not belong to me. I have given her to the Father, she is His. When Padre Jota said this during the ceremony I almost started crying (dang those postpartum hormones) because while I know this is best for her, it's difficult saying that this precious little one does not belong to me. Thankfully Padre also made it clear that while she belongs to God, He still entrusts her care to me and she will always be my little girl.

We were very thankful that Andrés' childhood friend, Padre Jota, could be the priest to celebrate the Sacrament for us.

Pouring of the water

Praying the Our Father with the godparents. We decided to have her godparents be Chilean since we are living in Chile right now. We asked Roberto and Karina who are a married couple and friends of ours because we have noticed they live out their faith and we hope they will be a great example to Amanda.

Presenting Amanda to Our Lady. Totus Tuus Maria!

The happy and blessed family

Thank you to everybody who came and celebrated one of the most important days of our lives with us. And thank you to all the friends and family who weren't able to attend- we know you wanted to! Please keep our family in your prayers, that we may grow in holiness together towards our heavenly goal.


*There is so much to the Sacraments that it could fill up the pages of tens of thousands of books and thus I cannot clarify everything in great detail. So in case there is anyone unfamiliar with Catholic doctrine on the Sacraments of Baptism and Matrimony that I've written here, please understand that I am NOT saying that I can save my spouse and children nor that it is my decision nor actions that do it. Christ is the Savior and each person has to make the decision to cooperate with His saving grace. Yet as wife and mother I have the power and responsibility to give aid and encourage this.

**I don't know if putting disclaimers on my personal blog are really necessary but since I hear so much these days about "Mommy Shaming" I couldn't leave this one off. Getting Amanda baptized does make me feel like a good mom. However, if you're waiting to get your child baptized or if you don't believe in baptism/infant baptism, I'm sure you're a good mother too! The only purpose in this post was to share in the joy of Amanda's baptism and my affirmation of motherhood. :)

Amanda's Birth Story- Part II

To pick up from where we left off, read Part I here. Reminder: What I write may be too much information for some people (it is about a baby coming out of my body after all) so consider yourself forewarned. I include some details that I wouldn't normally tell some people in person in case a mother-to-be is reading and wants to know what to expect.

We left the doctor's office with just an hour to spare before I was due to check-in at the hospital. Since that wasn't enough time to run home first, we got in the car and scooted off to Lider (Chilean Walmart) for shampoo and slippers for me and snacks for mom and Andrés (husband). Then off to the hospital we went. It took about a half hour to get checked-in even though I was pre-registered so we spent the time taking my final baby bump pics. Eventually an orderly came down with a wheelchair and took us up to my fourth floor room.

38 Weeks, 4 Days

In front of the number 1 for our first child

  

Apparently we were already behind schedule because they rushed me to change into my lovely, backless hospital gown and then they started prepping me for surgery. They took my blood pressure (which was at a normal number again and makes me wonder if my OB took it right in his office), shaved me, and got my IV stand ready. Then my midwife showed up and inserted the IV into the side of my lower thumb. And let me tell you, it hurts there. It's pretty much required to have a midwife here and you don't really choose one yourself- you go with the woman your doctor has chosen to work with. I was pretty disappointed with my midwife experience because she really didn't do anything and was very matter-of-fact and not so much bedside-mannerish. I think she would have done a lot more if it was a natural birth instead of c-section but even afterwards she seemed rushed instead of willing to help me with things like how to take care of my incision and breastfeeding.

Continuing on... I was then wheeled down in my bed to the second floor where the surgery would take place. I had been told Andrés would be with my the whole time but I guess they meant only for the actual surgery part because as soon as we got down there they made him wait outside while they took me into the room to start the anesthesia. The anesthetist was a nice man who tried to reassure me right away by telling me he spoke English when he found out  I was a gringa. Usually when Chileans tell me this it means they speak a broken English that is usually more of a hindrance than help in important situations like this (although I definitely applaud them in their effort and level of English because it's hard learning another language)- and that was the case with him. He told me a few times, "It's alright, you're a big woman," thinking he was saying "you're a big girl" instead of insulting my large pregnant body. I guess I wasn't the best patient though because as he was inserting the needles in my back I kept arching away (I couldn't help it, it was an automatic reaction like when someone tickles you- except more painful) instead of pushing my spine towards him. But really, who pushes their spine towards needles? I think he first numbed up some areas with Novocaine and then put in one big needle of the anesthesia. I'm not sure on that though because nobody was explaining much to me. I really wish Andrés would have been let in for that part because of the language barrier.

Well, the drugs started to take effect and I could feel the lower half of me becoming numb and heavy. I kept testing it out, seeing if I could feel myself wiggle my toes. I think I could feel them move. This is where things start to get a bit hazy because the drugs made me tired and my mind foggy. My OB came in the room and he was moving around doing things along with the midwife, anesthetist, and about four nurses. They laid my arms out straight (like Christ on the crucifix, put up the curtain over my chest so I wouldn't be able to see my insides when opened up, and I was disrobed from there down. I noticed my midwife snap a few photos on her phone (I hope it was before I was disrobed)  and remember thinking it was weird. I then felt someone petting my head and saying it was okay. It took me about 20 seconds to realize it was Andrés and that he was in the room with me. That's how out of it I was.

Then the surgery began. From what I know they cut me open using a cauterizer (so you don't bleed as much) and Andrés said he could smell my burning flesh. Nice. Then they put a closed clamp type thing in the incision that has a string attached to it. They yanked on the string and it opened the mouth of the clamp, widening the incision area. Then they tie down the string so that it remained open. I felt no pain but I definitely felt tugging and pulling. I don't know if it was the tugging of them opening me or of them pulling the baby out. And yank her out they did! All of the sudden I heard a little cry and they told us that we had a baby girl. Amanda Rosario was born at 2:22pm on Monday, May 6th, 2013! They cut her cord and brought her around and held her head next to mine so we could see her. I didn't feel sudden euphoria or great feelings of pride and joy (I really think it was because of the drugs), but I remember just thinking "She's here." And that I felt really tired.

Amanda was taken out to be checked on by the pediatrician and cleaned and dressed. Andrés went with her and I was once again alone. They stitched me up quickly and then I was wheeled into the recovery room next door. I think I was kept there for an hour and a nurse checked my blood pressure every 15 minutes. Again, I was really tired and I didn't mind being separated from Amanda- I wanted to rest. Not normal mothering feelings. Finally I was wheeled back up to my fourth floor room. My mom, Andrés, and his parents were there waiting. They told me how cute Amanda was and how she kept turning her head when the nurse tried to point her face towards them and how she fit her whole fist in her mouth (remarkable since she has shown no interest in doing this again since that time). After a few minutes the nurses wheeled Amanda into the room and left her with us and I held my daughter for the first time. Although still under the effects of the anesthesia, I was able to marvel at her small size and beauty and to breastfeed her. Amanda weighed 2740 grams/5.9 pounds and measured 47 centimeters/18.5 inches.

Super Dad- the man who got us through it all

Getting acquainted

Most people said she looks exactly like me and my mom but I believe her nose and jawline come from Andrés. She has a full head of black hair for now and steel grey eyes that I believe will eventually change to brown. We stayed for three nights in the hospital, of which Andrés was able to stay with us the first night, and then we went home on Thursday at noon. We had many, many visitors including Andrés' whole family and a large number of my gringa friends. Although a little awkward to have to feed her in front of some of them as I was just getting used to it, it was so nice to have their support and visits.

With Grandma Jo. Everything is so big on me!

Hanging out with the abuelita

As you were reading this, some of it might have seemed kind of negative because in a way it was for me. I want to be honest about my experience. It was not the birth I wanted by far and as a matter of fact I don't really feel like I gave birth because I didn't do anything- the doctor did it all in surgery. It's still hard for me to process that Amanda is here in my arms yet I have no idea what labor and pushing a baby out feel like. I'm pretty okay with it but I worry that one day I'm going start mourning the loss of that experience as I hear some mothers do. BUT with all that being said I definitely view my c-section as a SUCCESS and a JOY too because Amanda is here, healthy and safe. I'm very happy with my new life as a family of three. Contento, Señor, contento.

What a Month!

It´s already October! And not just October 1st, but the 11th. Where has time gone? And why have I not blogged about it? I honestly thought when I got here that I would be writing posts all the time to keep my family and friends updated. It´s not that I´m so busy that I have no time to write, although there have been a few days like that, mostly it´s just that when I do have time I prefer to spend it with Andrés instead of on the computer. I seriously think I´m on the internet less than I´ve ever been in the past 8 years! So here´s an update on what´s been happening here in my corner of Chile in the past month- all the stuff I meant to blog about but never did. :)

• During the second week of September Andrés and I went to Santiago to finish getting my degree legalized. You can see how the process started here, and now I´m happy to say that it is all taken care of! I´ve heard about how long lines can be here, so I was planning on possibly having to wait a couple of hours to get a piece of paper stamped, but it took only TWO MINUTES! That´s 90 seconds of standing in line and 30 seconds to have a man stamp and sign my diploma. We had taken the bus to Santiago instead of driving- it saved us about $20 in gas money and it was a fun adventure. But that also meant that we had a lot of free time in Santiago now that the line was so short. We wandered Santiago Central for awhile, found lunch, rested in a plaza and then met up with two friends from college, Kathleen and Phil, for happy hour. It was so nice to see some familiar faces and talk about old times.
• A month ago today was September 11th. That day meant three things for me: the tenth  anniversary of 9/11, also the anniversary of the 1973 coup d´etat here in Chile, and the birthday of Andrés´ best friend Carol. It was a little weird to be here in Chile when it was the tenth anniversary of 9/11 because although I didn´t really hear anybody talking about it in person, it was all over the television. Multiple cable channels had specials on it. I made sure to say some prayers for the victims, families and my country. September 11th is also an infamous day in Chile for their own reason- the coup d´etat. Why do bad things seem to happen on this day? Usually there are riots on this day, but I didn´t hear about much and I definitely didn´t see anything, maybe because it was a Sunday. The really good thing about this day is that it was Carol´s birthday! We went over to her house and celebrated in a typical Chilean way with her friends and family and had a BBQ, drinks and cake.
• I think I briefly mentioned before a prayer request for the son of my host mother. When I came to Chile the first time, I stayed with a wonderful woman named Mónica. She took good care of me and when I arrived I was looking forward to spending lots of time with her. Unfortunately that hasn´t been able to happen yet because she has been at the hospital non-stop visiting her son, David. On August 3rd David had a series of six heart attacks due to a hereditary heart problem and has been in the ICU ever since. He is breathing on his own now, but I believe he is still in a coma and has little brain activity. Please, please, PLEASE pray for him and his family. That if it is God´s will, He will bring David back to his family, and for the family´s suffering. I have been able to visit twice and next time I´ll make sure to tell David of your prayers, thank you.
• Of course during the middle of September we celebrated Fiestas Patrias!
• I finished up my cuecas lessons and proved my cueca skills the first weekend of October. Just like I showed you Andrés´ dancing, I´ll try and post a video later of me. I was a little nervous so I wasn´t as good as I could have been, but I have to say that I did well for a foreigner! Also, I was very touched at how proud both Andrés and my profesor were of me. It made me feel very loved.
• I have gotten the itchies quite badly twice now. They come and I can´t stop scratching for a few days, then they slowly fade and come back a week or two later. And although we´re not positive, our best guess is that they are an allergy to the laundry detergent. So we´re going to try a new brand and see if that fixes it. Hopefully I´ll be getting some health insurance sometime soon and maybe be able to go to the doctor if they don´t stop.
• Also, during this time Andrés has returned to school! After over 100 days of striking, classes are back in action for him. I will write a longer post later, but the gist of things is that the strike is still going on, but so that the students don´t lose their school year classes are also taking place at the same time. Andrés had three weeks to finish up the two months he missed of the first semester. He is in finals right now and is studying like crazy- éxito mi Amor! This semester will end on Saturday (it should have finished in July) and then the second sememster (which would have started in the second week of August) will begin next week.
• Then over the past three weeks we have also been celebrating birthdays. First Andrés´ nephew J turned 6, then Andrés turned 27 and finally his other nephew S turned 8. We´ve been eating a lot of cake and pie. :)
• Finally, some really good personal news. I found work!!! On Thursday, September 27th I got a call from an institute asking if I could take on an English class. I went to an orientation meeting on the 28th and started Monday, October 3rd! It was a whirlwind but a big relief too. So I have one class I teach three days a week for a total of 6 hours each week. I´ll have it until mid-December. And guess who I´m teaching? The navy! I teach 7 naval officers and they are great- very polite and friendly and willing to learn. I hope that the institute will give me more classes and I am also doing some tutoring on the side. Also, this means that I should be getting my work visa very soon. Yay for not having to leave the country due to my tourist visa expiring!

And that is my update. Hope you are all doing great. Family and friends, I would love an update on your life too! 


Chau!

Feliz Cumpleaños Andrés!!!

Happy birthday to the man I love with all of my heart! Andrés, you are an amazing, generous man and I am so in love with you. And I am so happy that I finally get to share your birthday with you and be here in person. God has blessed us so much already, and I pray that He may continue to pour His graces upon you in this new year of your life. 

Last year on Andrés´ birthday he went to the U.S. Embassy for his visa interview to be able to come and see me. He was denied and it was a really hard and sad day for both of us. Thankfully he tried again and was approved. This birthday is already way better than last year. I love that this is the third birthday of Andrés´ life that I´ve been able to be a part of, and I look forward to many more to come. Andrés, mi viejito, te amo tanto.

This is the wonderful man that I love and that I can have lots of fun with :)

Andrés, sssshhhhhhhooooooooo te amo