We're Doing Something Right

As a first time parent I often wonder if I'm doing it right and if I'm being a good mom. When I look at the big picture I kind of freak out, thinking how am I going to make sure she meets all of her developmental milestones, am I talking and engaging her enough, is she going to learn to sit and crawl if she's always in my arms? And how am I going to protect this tiny little girl from the cold, sickness, strangers, accidents, money problems, food allergies, prejudice and hatred in the world?! Basically everything that could hurt my baby (and I readily admit that I've probably watched too much Law and Order/NCIS/CSI which give me some crazy ideas of what evils could happen). It's at those times I want to put her back in my womb because I could protect her a lot better there. But that's not where she's meant to be and that's not how I'm meant to think. What helps me is to take things hour by hour and day by day. I know that this hour she just wants to be fed- and I can do that! And I know that today I can keep her happy and loved, fed, in a clean diaper, warm, safe from danger. I may be surviving these first months of motherhood with little sleep and not leaving our room much, but all I have to do is look at my beautiful baby that the Lord has blessed me with and see that she is THRIVING! And that is what is most important.

And after this weekend I also feel very proud and that Andrés and I are doing something right because... Amanda was baptized! I mean, how much better of a mother could I be than to make sure my daughter receives the gift of eternal life, am I right? Let me explain. Catholics have seven Sacraments and those seven are split into three groups. The Sacrament of marriage falls into the category of Sacraments of Vocation. Vocation means a calling from God. I am called by God to be married. It is my vocation to be married to Andrés. And with this vocation, which is a very great gift, comes many responsibilities. But the MAIN responsibility is to get my spouse to heaven. That is my utmost calling by God, to help and encourage the eternal salvation of my husband. And umbrellaed (I'm pretty sure I just made up that word, hehe) under that is to also get any children that come from our union to heaven.*

At Amanda's baptism, Padre Jota (the priest) asked Andrés and I what we wished of the Church for our daughter. We replied, "Baptism." And then we were asked what does Baptism give and we replied, "Eternal life" (see John chapter 3 in the Bible).We're doing something right! Of course we need to take care of Amanda's physical needs so that she has a long, healthy, happy life here on earth, but most important to me is that we take care of her spiritual needs so that she lives a holy life that will get her to heaven to spend an ETERNITY with the One who loves her more than I. We're on the right track by having her baptized. I'm not failing at being a mother.**

Amanda is a new creation in Christ, an adopted DAUGHTER OF GOD, and a temple of the Holy Spirit. I'm so happy for my little girl. And as I write "my little girl" I am reminded of what both the priest and my mother told me about Amanda's baptism. They said that she is no longer mine, that she does not belong to me. I have given her to the Father, she is His. When Padre Jota said this during the ceremony I almost started crying (dang those postpartum hormones) because while I know this is best for her, it's difficult saying that this precious little one does not belong to me. Thankfully Padre also made it clear that while she belongs to God, He still entrusts her care to me and she will always be my little girl.

We were very thankful that Andrés' childhood friend, Padre Jota, could be the priest to celebrate the Sacrament for us.

Pouring of the water

Praying the Our Father with the godparents. We decided to have her godparents be Chilean since we are living in Chile right now. We asked Roberto and Karina who are a married couple and friends of ours because we have noticed they live out their faith and we hope they will be a great example to Amanda.

Presenting Amanda to Our Lady. Totus Tuus Maria!

The happy and blessed family

Thank you to everybody who came and celebrated one of the most important days of our lives with us. And thank you to all the friends and family who weren't able to attend- we know you wanted to! Please keep our family in your prayers, that we may grow in holiness together towards our heavenly goal.


*There is so much to the Sacraments that it could fill up the pages of tens of thousands of books and thus I cannot clarify everything in great detail. So in case there is anyone unfamiliar with Catholic doctrine on the Sacraments of Baptism and Matrimony that I've written here, please understand that I am NOT saying that I can save my spouse and children nor that it is my decision nor actions that do it. Christ is the Savior and each person has to make the decision to cooperate with His saving grace. Yet as wife and mother I have the power and responsibility to give aid and encourage this.

**I don't know if putting disclaimers on my personal blog are really necessary but since I hear so much these days about "Mommy Shaming" I couldn't leave this one off. Getting Amanda baptized does make me feel like a good mom. However, if you're waiting to get your child baptized or if you don't believe in baptism/infant baptism, I'm sure you're a good mother too! The only purpose in this post was to share in the joy of Amanda's baptism and my affirmation of motherhood. :)

What's in a Name? Part II

In my very second post, I wrote about why I chose to name my blog "Contenta con la Vida." Tonight I would like to share with you the meaning behind "TTM" and why the blogs are signed by "TammyTTM" and the web address is "tammyttm.blogspot.com."

TTM stands for Totus Tuus Maria which is Latin for "totally yours Mary" en ingles or "totalmente tuya María" en español (p.s. If you are a guy I believe you would say "totalmente tuyo María"). This phrase was the motto of Pope Blessed John Paul II. I think the story goes that when JPII was a young boy his mother died and so his father took him before an image of the Blessed Mother and told him "This is your mother now." From that time on Our Lady had a very special place in his heart and he even made this the motto of his pontificate and put it on his papal flag.

I came to learn about this phrase and the meaning behind it when I went to college. I think I talked about this a little bit before when I went back to visit Franciscan University, but my college was very special in that it had something called households. A household is kind of like a fraternity or sorority- but so much more! You have different prayer commitments each week with your household (usually about 2-4 per week) and usually you live with those girls, share meals with them and they are some of your closest friends on campus. What mostly unites you to your household is the shared charism with the sisters (or brothers if you're a male). Each household has it's own charism or devotion. My household is named Totus Tuus Maria and has a great devotion to Mary (under the name Our Lady of the Streets) and all of us sisters make a total consecration to Jesus through Mary as we enter household.

There are many different ways and prayers to consecrate yourself to Mary. The way or method that I have done is total consecration to Jesus through Mary according to St. Louis Marie de Montfort. St. Louis Marie writes that total consecration "consists in surrendering oneself in the manner of a slave to Mary, and to Jesus through her, and then performing all our actions with Mary, in Mary, through Mary, and for Mary." Most basically you give yourself completely to Our Lord through Our Lady- you make yourself totus tuus Maria. The theology behind this is that Jesus came to us through Our Lady and so the best way to go Him is by following His example and going back to Him through Our Lady. When I made this consecration, I gave everything that I am to her- physically and spiritually, all my merits, graces and goods- trusting that she will present me most lovingly to her Son and plead on my behalf when I am found unworthy. I put everything that I am and everything that I have in her hands. 

I cannot describe how much totus tuus Maria is a part of my life, how much belonging completely to Mary has changed me and brought me closer to her Son. For those of you who know me personally, trust me when I say that everything good about me is because of her. She is my Mother, my model, my Lady. She is helping me get to heaven so that I can spend an eternity filled with joy and love with the Trinity.This is why I include TTM after my name in this blog. I am and always will be totus tuus Maria. And I want to act totus tuus Maria, too. When I wrote about the phrase "Contenta con la Vida" I said that I want my blog name to remind me to be content and happy with the life God has given me no matter where it takes me. It's the same with signing my name TammyTTM- it reminds me that everything I do should reflect Our Lady and belonging completely to her. You may also remember from when I shared pictures of my getting my tattoo in Chile, that this is what is written permanently on my right foot. I want to constantly have within my sight that I am totus tuus Maria and to give her honor through it.

The act of consecrating yourself to Mary is a prayer that only takes a few minutes to pray. But because it means so much, St. Louis Marie recommends preparing for it. So there is a booklet that has thirty-three days of preparation prayers to get yourself ready for the first time, and then you are also supposed to renew the consecration and do the preparation prayers again once a year. I am really excited because I am renewing mine right now. I'm currently on Day 15 and I will end by renewing my consecration on July 16th which is the feast of the Our Lady of Mount Carmel (La Virgen del Carmen). This is very significant to me because la Virgen del Carmen is the patroness of Chile- so I think it's very fitting that I re-consecrate myself on that day and I pray that she watch over and guide this new chapter of my life in Chile.

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María, soy tuya y todo que tengo es tuyo.

María, soy tuya y todo que tengo es tuyo.

María, soy tuya y todo que tengo es tuyo.

Nuestra Señora de las Calles, totus tuus!

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I hope I do not need to say this and that you did not misunderstand this blogpost, but I want to make clear that I (and my fellow Catholics) in no way consider Mary to be God or above God. We do not worship her. BUT we do have a great respect and love for her above all others because she is the Mother of God and free from all sin.